Kim Possible: Playing Dead
by Eagles02
Summary: Jack Hench's Company's stock keeps plummeting and he will do anything to reverse that trend. Post STD. This is my first fanfiction so please read and review. Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fan fic so please give me constructive feedback. You can flame but I already know I stink so it would do little good.

This is not a cross-over but I do reference other characters and shows in my story.

Disclaimer: Disney owns the right to Kim Possible, Ducktales, and Lilo and Stitch with all characters related to those titles. Nintendo owns the rights to Super Mario Bros. with all characters related to that title. When you can get over the shock of this announcement, you can start the fanfiction below. Enjoy!

Story opens in the office of Jack Hench with another man in a suit named Gus. Jack has a big chair turned away from the gentleman.

Gus says, "Mr. Hench our stock went down 7/8 of a point again."

Jack Hench groans and replies, "This is becoming a disturbing trend."

Gus delivers the bad news by saying, "Yes, it seems that the new sidekick division has really dragged down the whole company. The startup costs have not been able to be offset by clients. While more efficient than the minion, the sidekick presents a danger to them within their organization because if they were to turn they would know exactly where to strike. Few villains would take a chance that a cancer like that could form in their own organization. They do not see enough reward from having a sidekick to set off that risk." This gives Hench an idea, "Well then the solution is simple, we need to give these criminals a demonstration of how good our sidekicks can truly be."

Hench presses the intercom button and says, "Ms. Johnson will you please ask the vice president Harold Sakata of the sidekick division to come see me please." He releases button for a moment and pauses only to repress the intercom button again, "Could you send in the next client? That is all Gus." Gus takes his cue and leaves.

The next client comes in and it is the Beasley Boys with one visible shaking. Jack Hench acknowledges their presence by saying, "Beasley Boys, what's the problem?"

One of the Beasley boys who is visibly shaken replies, "No matter what happens Huey, Dewy, and Louie or Gizmo Duck always shut us down. I'm going to snap if I hear Blathering Blatherscythe or about the Woodchuck guidebook again."

"Blathering Blatherscythe?"

The shaken Beasley Boy runs screaming down the hallway. One of the other Beasley Boys groans, "Oh great, thanks a lot! Now he is going to be impossible to live with now! If I wanted to live with a screaming idiot, I would have lived with Captain Caveman."

Meanwhile in Middleton, Ron was laying on Kim's bed waiting for her to get ready for their date. This was the 3rd date between Ron and Kim. Kim and Ron hung out all the time but every Friday they decided that they would go out on dates like other couples. Make Fridays special for them. The first date was to Chez Pierre, a five-star restaurant in Paris. Pierre was an old friend of Kim and Ron after they saved his restaurant from being overrun by snooty French waiters. Ron would have preferred a trip to Bueno Nacho to Chez Pierre, but he knew that this was the type of evening would be something that Kim would cherish so he stayed quiet. On date number two, He wanted to go to the Colorado Rockies game but Kim wanted to go to the Middleton Player's presentation of Romeo and Juliet. Ron decided to go with the flow and hey anything with sword fights can't be all bad. This time he had his sights set on going to the new video game movie for Zelda because we all know all the best movies are video game movies such as Super Mario Brothers, Street Fighter, and every film by Uwe Boll. He was psyched to see the story of an elf saving a princess from the king of all evil with the live action quality it so richly needs. He wasn't sure what Kim had come up with, but she had gotten her way the first two times, it was now his turn.

Kim walks into the room in her heart shirt and pink pants. This gave Ron hope because if she is dressed casually then he could get her to go to the movie; however, Ron did notice that Kim had applied eye shadow, blush, and really dolled herself up which did not bode so well for sitting in a dark theatre. Kim starts the conversation with, "Hey Ron, are you ready?" She had a loving look in her eyes that told Ron how much she was looking forward to tonight.

Ron retorts, "No, I've been lying in your room for an hour by myself but I wasn't ready to go."

Kim shoots a quick glance at Ron and Ron just gives her a big grin. Kim breaks the silence, "Well Ronnie, I found this flyer for a poetry reading down at the Blue Moose and thought we would check it out."

Ron asks a little confused, "Why did you wear all the make-up?"

Kim cuddles up to him and says, "I wanted to look really special for my Ronnie-poo."

Ron replies, "Well thank God, because if you hadn't put on that make-up I would refuse to be seen with you, ugly." Kim gave Ron a little playful pinch about his comment and went right back to cuddling with him like he was her life-size panda-roo. They were both really enjoying the closeness and warmth when Kim looked at her watch. Kim gets up and says, "We'd better get going."

Ron decided to go with the flow again and follow Kim without a battle. Ron thought about it and came to the conclusion that Kim was being bossy but it wasn't a big deal. He knew that this was part of her "Kimness." Ron enjoyed the dates they went on even though he did not really want to go to these places because he got to go with Kim. As long as being with Kim was part of the equation, he could journey with her through the seven circles of Hell. If he was going to truly love Kim, he had to love all of Kim. He had to love her "Kimness" and he did love her completely. As long as nobody reads "Howl" by Alan Ginsberg, he could survive. They left the house hand-in-hand for the Blue Moose.

Meanwhile back at Henchco. Industries…

Jack Hench decided that he was going burn the midnight oil trying to solve his stock problems. Harold Sakata entered his office with a pile of files for every member of the sidekick division. They were going through the files trying to find the right person or people for the job. Hench breaks the silence, "I really like the file on Mouser formerly of the King Koopa gang."

Sakata responds, "I'm sorry but he has gone back to King Koopa."

"Shoot! Why?"

"He bribed him with a big wheel of cheese."

"If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times we need to have big wheels of cheese on hand to lure bomb throwing mice to this company!"

"I think it is a lot closer to one than one thousand."

The comment completely going over Hench's head he responds "Well, who do you think is up to the task?"

"The first person goes by the name 'Child's Play'…"

Stay tuned we will be right back after this commercial break…

Lilo and Stitch: the series has seen many Disney characters come to visit our intergalactic family. If you thought we were done…you were dead wrong! This Friday at 8 on a whole new episode of Lilo and Stitch we are going to have "Cameopalooza!" At first Goofy, Donald, and Mickey comes to town but if you thought we were going to stop there, then you are crazy! Wait until every female heroine drops by to make an appearance including Snow White, Belle, and Jasmine and we are just getting started because we are going to throw in every character to appear on a Disney tv show or movie. If you think this is starting to get ridiculous, then you are a wuss! We also have invited the entire Super Bowl XL champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Now you are thinking that no sane person could possibly try to cram more cameos into one episode but here at Lilo and Stitch the series we lost our sanity long ago! We are bringing Congress and the President to the islands because they have nothing better to do than to be on our series. I bet you are curled into a fetal position in the corner hoping that this madness will stop, but we aren't going to do that! We have invited Mrs. Beech's 3rd grade class to do a cameo. Why? We are Lilo and Stitch: the series, how dare you question our cameo benevolence! That's right! Tune in this Friday for "Cameopalooza" because if you don't we will do to you what we did to Bambi's mom when she refused to cameo…Bang! Plop! Tune in to Lilo and Stitch: the series this Friday at eight…or else!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Kim Possible or any characters from that show. I have also marked the trademark of other referenced material to which I do not own the rights.

This is chapter 2. Whether you like it or not, please read and review. This is my first fanfiction and I would really appreciate any comments that could assist me with future chapters and stories. Hope you enjoy!

Last night…

The view starts through the eyes of a thief looking out through the heating duct as two guards walk by. One guard says, "Do you ever get that feeling that somebody is up in the heating duct looking at us?" The other guard responds, "You worry too much." The guards walk away and the mysterious young man jumps into view. He stood about six feet tall, incredibly built, and looked to be in his late teens to early twenties. While he looked like a man, he dressed like a boy. He had on a backwards Pokemon™ baseball cap, a Lazy Town™ t-shirt featuring his favorite villain Robbie Rotten™, Barney™ pajama bottoms that he specially tailored with pockets to hold his equipment, BK™ glow step shoes, and of course under it all was his lucky pair of Power Rangers™ underoos.

He sneaks into the next hallway to see random motion lasers scrolling across the floors in a maze where holes are not evident to the human eye…regular human eye. When confronting this challenge Child's Play did what he always does, he grabbed for his Bazooka Joe™. He carefully unwrapped the paper to read the comic. He waded it up and threw it down in disgust since he already had this comic in his collection. After chewing on it to soften it up, he unleashed a huge bubble that was a thing of beauty until it finally popped. He gathered the gum into his mouth and set to the task at hand. He started to hum "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins™. He always hummed Mary Poppins™ when he was in theft mode. It is his favorite movie and he has always tried to pay homage to it in his daily life. He was upset to find out that you can't fly with an umbrella and a spoonful of sugar tastes really bad. It was incredible how he leaped from wall to wall back flipping over lasers and doing total splits to get under others. He finished his dodging routine with three back flips and a twist to land on his feet on the other side of the hall.

He popped his bubble gum and walked into the next room. He was confronted by five security guards with guns drawn. The head guard says, "Alright son, get your hands away from your Barney™ pants and put them on your Pokemon™ hat!" He chuckled a bit thinking he would never say that in his career as a security guard. Child's Play did not adhere to his request and pulled out five super bouncy balls. The guards holstered their guns and began to laugh. They thought, "What type of fool takes on five armed guards with super bouncy balls?" Child's Play smiled through popping another bubble. He threw the bouncy balls off the walls and they went everywhere. The security guards did not have a clue what to do as they watched Child's Play skillfully duck and dodge. One security guard takes a direct hit to the head and goes down unconscious immediately. The only person in the room that was not shocked by this result was Child's Play. The security guards tried to run away but one by one they all went down. The security guards did not know that Child's Play had invented a rubber with the spring of a bouncy ball and hit with the density of a rock which leads to rendering the afflicted as cognizant as a man who just told his girlfriend that he wants to be "friends." Child's Play walked through the room and approached the guard that had confronted him verbally. He grabbed his underwear and gave him a wedgie that would make Mike Hellstrom™ cringe.

He continued through the facility to a room with a small safe, laser grid, and floor censors. Child's Play pops his bubble gum and then wads it up to throw away. He reaches into his pants for his secret weapon…a straw. He rips the wrapper off the straw and puts it into his mouth. He scans the room and finds a security system box with "Armed" written in big red letters with a switch below that. Child's Play knew that in the X789-B322 security system that if you flick that switch the whole system will go down. Child's Play took aim at the switch and, as always, his spit wad was straight and true bringing down the whole system.

Child's Play sauntered over to the safe and started twisting the knob. Unlike most thieves that have to use a stethoscope, Child's Play's sense of touch was so acute that he could naturally feel out the combination of every safe. He quickly figured out the combination and opened up the safe. He jumped up and down, giddy with joy. He finally could claim what he was looking for…Fearless Ferret™ number one. He could almost cry because it was just so beautiful. He realized that he could celebrate later, but now was the time to finish the job. He stowed the comic book away and grabbed some sidewalk chalk and walked over to the wall. He was ready to "chalk" up another victory…pun intended.

One of the security guards got up in pain. He took a long time and it was incredible painful to undue the wedgie delivered by Child's Play. He walked to the safe and was not surprised to see its contents emptied. He was surprised to see on the wall a mural of a sunny day with a family of smiling stick figures in sidewalk chalk. Below the mural was written "I had great time! Thanks for playing with me! –Child's Play."

Child's Play got back to his house around three in the morning. He snuck back into his room and put on his transformers pajamas. He went over to the mantle where he had collected every other issue of the Fearless Ferret™ except for number 1. He felt a great sense of pride sliding the comic into its protective sheeting. He just stared at his room for a while soaking in all his memorabilia. He really was the greatest collector in the world. He was incredibly tired and decided to hit the hay.

Child's Play awoke at 11:30 am because of a nightmare. He dreamt that he was finally caught and put on trial for his crimes. He was found guilty and the judge was ready to sentence. Judge Kennedy says, "Mr. Hall, having been found guilty of theft in the first degree on a billion jillion to the infinity no take backs counts. I hereby sentence you to watch David Hasselhoff's 'Hooked on a Feeling' music video until Sasha Mitchell gets work on tv again…which will be NEVER! Mwahahahahaha!" This caused Child's Play to wake up in a cold sweat, screaming! He immediately grabbed his security blanket nearby and held tight. The little duckies always made him feel safe. His mom was in the room putting away his clothes and asks him, "Did you have the David Hasselhoff dream again, honey?" Child's Play responded, "Yeah, but at least they are becoming less frequent." His mom finishes packing up his clothes and leaves the room.

Child's Play rolls out of bed and opens a window and breathes in the fresh air and says, "Awwww, this is going to be one of those 'zippedeedoodaa' days!" With a song in his heart, Child's Play happily went to the bathroom to take a bath. He re-enacted Moby Dick™ using his bath tugboat, wrestler figures, and rubber ducky. It was a stretch to cast Hulk Hogan™ as Captain Ahab™ but the performance pulled together in the third act. He got out of the tub to towel off. His eternal optimism beaming as he marched back into his room. Life certainly was good and he ravaged his closet looking for his outfit for the day. He put on his Tigger™ underoos followed by baggy nike™ shorts. He decided that today would be a good day for his multi-colored toe socks and put on his usual BK™ light up shoes. He goes to his closet to thumb through his vast collection of shirts. He was thinking as he raided his closet, "Batman™, Robin™, Superman™, Aquaman™, Spiderman™..." until he reached a Kim Possible shirt and quickly pushed it aside. His mom got him this shirt because of his love for heroes but this one was different. She was real. It wasn't until he found out about Kim Possible that he finally felt the emotion that other mortals had come to call fear. As much as he loved his job, he knew it was illegal and he could be arrested at any time. He wasn't scared of the regular police and security guards. He had run so many circles around these clowns that it made him laugh thinking about it. Kim Possible was different, he knew the rap sheet. She had faced the best in the business and beaten them all. She was the specter that waited around every corner he turned. The Drakkens and Dementors had the deadliest equipment and legions of followers willing to fight for him. Child's Play had a few little gadgets that he carried in his pants. In a fight against a heavyweight like Kim Possible, he felt completely inadequate to last the first round. He could take solace in the fact that he was a minor thief located across the country located in Roanoke, VA...not even worth a giant like Kim Possible's time. He decides to grab his Batman™ shirt because the dark avenger scared these thoughts of self-doubt away.

Child's Play quickly rushed downstairs to get his breakfast/lunch that he always got at noon. His mom is there fixing his usual breakfast smile of two egg eyes and a smile of bacon. Child's Play's mom begins the conversation with "How's my baby doing today?" Child's Play responds, "Good mama." His mom after cleaning the counter, "What do you plan on doing today?" Child's Play snarfs down the last of his breakfast and replies "I think I'm going to chill out around the house today and play some video games." His mom looks at him "So just a typical day, huh?"

"Pretty much."

"Didn't you have a meeting today with Jason?"

"Yeah, it was set-up for 11 am." Child's Play looks down at his Looney Tunes™ watch and Bugs Bunny's™ big paw pointed to the 6 and the little paw to the 12 which informed him that it was 12:30 and way too late to attend any meeting. "Oh well, I guess I missed it." Child's Play just shrugged his shoulders and finished his meal.

"Oh I guess so, well he knows where to find my little Chester. Why don't you head up to start playing your video games and I'll bring you some snacks, alright?"

"Sounds cool." Child's Play jaunts up to his room to start playing Mario Kart™ when he hears a knock on his door. He responded, "Come in." He was expecting to see his mom but Jason stomps into his room. "CHESTER!"

He looks over at Jason and nonchalantly says, "Hey Jason! How's it going? I was worried I wasn't going to see you today. It's great that you are here because now we can play in team mode!" He holds up the controller, "I'll let you be Mario™!"

Jason walks over to Chester and knocks the controller right out of his hand and screams, "Where is my merchandise?"

Chester says, "Is that the only reason you come and see me? I thought we were friends?"

"Where did you get a stupid conclusion like that? Listen you lazy piece of crap either give me the Steelers football now or you can consider yourself fired!"

Chester solemnly gets up and walks over to retrieve the ball. He had snatched a Super Bowl XL Championship football from the owner's office that had the signature of the entire starting offense and defense of the team. He did not pull off this heist like the Fearless Ferret™ before. He constructed an exact replica of the ball in question. Child's Play could always plan the perfect crime if he wanted but that didn't interest him, he wanted the chaos. When he had to sell it later, it was definitely in his best interest to make the theft as good as possible. He felt that if he did not have to sell it later and could keep it locked away, then raise the challenge a little bit and have some real fun.

Child's Play grabbed the ball and said "That'll be 800 bucks Jason."

"You said 700 earlier"

"Well I was working in my friendship discount then and since we are not friends, I see no reason to give that to you anymore."

"It's still a bargain." Jason shelled out 800 in cash and took his ball. "Next time we have a meeting, you'd better be there numbnuts." He left the house.

Child's Play's mom came in bringing potato chips and popcorn. She asked, "Did you have a good time with your friend Jason?"

"We're not friends' mama, he rejected my friendship."

"Oh dear! Will you be ok?"

"I guess so," Child's Play hesitated "Mama, why don't I have any friends?"

"The other boys and girls just don't know how special you are. Don't worry they will find out soon enough." She went and put her hand on his shoulders "Never forget that I will always be your friend." She gave him a big hug.

"Thanks, mama!"

"Your welcome baby, now go break some course records because they won't break themselves."

"I will mama."

Child's Play went back to playing Mario Kart™ for about an hour and got bored so he put in his Transformers™ season one DVD in and watched episode after episode.

Around 7 o'clock…

Child's Play's father stormed into the house and yelled for his wife.

The mother says, "Hi hon, what happened at work today."

The father responds, "It was a horrible day at the hospital. A big car wreck occurred and the place was in total chaos all day. I had to perform emergency procedure after procedure. How is my little waste of space doing?"

"That 'waste of space' is our son and you need to support him during this time of transition."

"Yeah, I'll support him. My foot will support his ass."

"Go tell him that dinner is ready."

Dr. Hall walked upstairs to get his no good son. He opened the door "Hey worthless, dinner is ready."

"Dad, why do you have to keep running me down?"

"You know why, now come down and get the meal you've richly earned" Dr. Hall says sarcastically.

Child's Play turns off his DVD and drudges down the stairs. He kept quiet and tried not to stir his dad but it was no use as his dad asked his usual loaded question "What did you do today?"

"I made $800 in my business."

"Oh really! Wow! You made all that money off of your memorabilia today! To think that I wasted my day saving people's lives! How could I keep up with that?"

"Alright dad, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to light a fire under yourself and get in gear! You were a 4.0 student that scored a 1600 on your SATs and you quit school when you turned 18! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Dad, school wasn't fun and I don't do things that aren't fun."

"You think I'm having fun? I wake up everyday and see things that people should never have to see. I do them because it puts food on the table and a roof over my head. When are you going to grow up and realize that?"

Child's Play just got up and left the table and walked up to his room while his father screamed at him, "Maybe tomorrow I'll move all your stuff to the lawn and you will grow up in a real hurry!"

Child's Play cries while lying on his bed. He went over to the window to take his favorite view of the children playing in the park across the street. He envied them. He wanted to return to that simpler time. He just wanted to have what they had. He even heard a song in his head when he thought of these kids. It was to the music of "Part of Your World" for The Little Mermaid™:

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?

Now that my Fearless Ferret™ collection's complete

Wouldn't you think I'm the guy

The who has everything

Look at my room

What do I see?

The series of Voltron™ on DVD

Looking around here you think

Sure, he got everything

I've got psyducks™ and squirtles™ a plenty

I've got wookies™ and Vaders™ galore

You want Tigger™ plush dolls?

I've got twenty!

But who cares

No big deal

I want more

I wanna be where the children are

I wanna play, wanna play some dodgeball

Playing around on those what do you call them? Oh, swings

Getting older, you get aches and pains

Kids can easily start jumping, running

Imagining they have-what's the word again? Wings!

Down where they play, down where they run

Down where burning ants is still lost of fun

Worrying free-Wish I could be…A child again

What would I give if I could live down Disney World™?

What would I pay to spend a day back in third grade?

Bet'cha at ten, parents would then

Not call the cops on me for peeping

I'm not a perv looking to serve seven to ten

I'm ready to act like the children act

Ask stupid question and piss my folks off

Like what's water and why is it-what's the word? Wet?

I won't regret

I would go back, back before steroids were used by 'Big Mac™'

When I was free

Wish I could be

A child again

As the mental song ended, he started to tear up a little. He grabbed his security blanket and laid on his bed. He started to think, "What am I good for? Who would even wantme around?" As if a prayer was being answered, he heard the battle theme from Final Fantasy™ I. He quickly recognized his cell phone ring and wiped away his tears. "Hello?...Oh hi Jackie what's up…"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Kim Possible and other items that I have marked trademarked.

We head back to the front office to where we left Harold Sakata and Jack Hench where Harold Sakata mentioned the second participant in this plan for corporate revitalization and the two words of note was "Dead Eyes."

Several hours earlier…

Sylvester "Dead Eyes" Slick was polishing off another article for the National Enquirer™. This article dealt with an affair between Ashton Kutcher and Katie Holmes that had occurred early this morning in Spain. He was writing this article at the airport in Miami on his way back home to Las Vegas. How is it possible that he could pull this off? Insider at the hotel? No. Family or friend? No. Was he making the story up? No. Sylvester Slick was considered the best because he seemed to have the ability to see anywhere, anyplace, at anytime and he actually could…well mostly. He could see anywhere and anyplace but only in present time. Sylvester Slick had an accident when he was sixteen and looked like he would be blinded for life. The doctors found an organ donor that had recently deceased and felt that by replacing his eyes that they could return his sight since Sylvester's injuries were limited due to the protection by the ocular socket. He went into surgery and it was a complete success. Ever since that day he had always had this power. He had recently, however, grown tired of the tabloid game. He wished for a new challenge since this one had been met easily by his fifty million dollar bank account at the ripe old age of thirty. This is why he decided to sign up with Henchco's Sidekick program. Well, it was that and he wanted to go into a field where he was surrounded by a lot more ethical and nicer people.

He put his finishing touches on his latest article and e-mailed it to his editor. This brought him some joy. Not due to any sense of accomplishment, it was the thoughts of the families destroyed. The only thing that kept him going was the pain that his writing had inflicted on its targets. He saw the world as a continuing cycle of sin and sinners. Everyone had skeletons in the closet and everybody is evil. Some people are just more evil than others. He enjoyed showing the world how truly depraved and sick it was. He dedicated his life to smearing the images of those that the public revered. He was the first person to report the Monica Lewinsky scandal but due to the skepticism placed on all tabloid articles he received little attention but was later vindicated. It was his greatest accomplishment. He had tarnished the legacy of man that inhabited the most powerful office in the world. He heard the call for his flight and headed for the gate.

He quickly sat down in his seat and glanced over at the man sittingin the nextseat. He was a friendly man that met him with a "Howdy." "Dead Eyes" just gave him a look. Undeterred, the stranger asked, "Why are you going to Las Vegas?"

"Dead Eyes" decided to be neighborly and responded, "I'm going home."

"Do you live in Las Vegas?"

"Dead Eyes" nodded.

"I'm going home too. I live in Bullhead City, Arizona." The stranger brought out his wallet. "Here is my little clan. Here is my wife Catherine, my son Steven, and the light of my eye, my daughter Kimberly. Do you have any family?"

"Dead Eyes" shook his head no. The photo did remind him of his family back in Topeka, Kansas. He still can't believe how naïve he was before 16. He used to go to church, volunteer at the hospital and other generic good little boy things. It was on May 23, 1992 that he had what he now considered "his birthday." He was driving back to his house that night after volunteering at the hospital when he was blind-sided by a drunk driver. He looked as the man hit him from the side with such an impact that the glass shattered and shards went into his making such deep incisions that his eyes would never heal again. He prayed nightly for the Lord to save him for his permanent dark prison. His prayers would be answered by the donation of a new pair of eyes. The operation was a complete success, but the after effects caught everybody off guard. The iris of his eyes stayed bleach white and they would not contract or expand based on light. It didn't matter though because no matter where he waslooking he had perfect vision…beyond perfect vision. All of a sudden he was able to dominate his brothers in darts and pool with perfect dart throws and cue ball hits everytime. He also became a much better hunter but he had a major issue. If the beast had stopped or moved at a leisurely pace, he could hit it easily from distances incapable by the world's greatest snipers without the use of a scope. If the beast was in a full gallop, then he was very hard-pressed to nail it. The real change was when he shut his eyes to sleep. When he first gained the powers of this sight, he could not control it. He would randomly see things occurring around the world in rapid fire succession. This was the point that he became introduced to the atrocities of humanity. Night after night, he continually saw the worst elements of society and the constant barrage started to corrupt his soul. He quit going to church and the hospital. He eventually began to hone his skills and concentrate to see what he wished to see. He used this power to spread gossip around school. Nobody in high school could escape Sylvester's gaze. He became alienated from the school. It got the point where he decided to go off on his own and make his fortune. He started using his powers on celebrities and created a newsletter he sent to the public. He wasn't making a lot of money but it was a living. The big break came shortly when the editor of the National Enquirer™ saw his work and signed him up as a freelancer. His articles peppered the frontpages and greatly increased circulation around the country. He did not publish everything he ever got. He has saved one juicy secret about Scrooge McDuck™. All we know is that Scrooge™ makes yearly deposits of several million dollars per year to keep it quiet. Fast forward many years and it brings us here.

"Well you should think about starting one, my family is the light of my life. Just before I left…" The conversation turned to all the great accomplishments of his children. While he was doing that, "Dead Eyes" was shutting his eyes and trying to concentrate. The inane ramblings from his neighbor made it tough to concentrate but he eventually found his center. He scanned the town of Bullhead City, Arizona and found his seat neighbor's wife. A grin scrolled eerily across his face.

"Dead Eyes" interrupted the other man with "What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry to have kept it secret so long. My name is Ryan."

"Well Ryan, what if I told you that your wife is cheating on you right at this moment?"

Ryan was absolutely shocked and responded, "Sir, if you didn't want to talk to me you could have just said so. You didn't have to make up something so horrible!"

"What if I could prove it?"

"How is that possible?"

"Close your eyes." Curious, Ryan went ahead and shut his eyes. "Dead Eyes" touched his neighbor's temporal lobe. The disturbing image flooded his mind forcing to quickly jump away from "Dead Eyes" touch. "I…I...I…don't believe it. My wife and my best friend, how could this have happened?" He began to weep.

"How does it feel to be dating the whore of Babylon?" "Dead Eyes" asked while starting to laugh.

"How…How…How could you find this funny? You're a monster!"

"I…I…I…I" "Dead Eyes" said mocking the man's emotional stutter "I may be a monster, but at least I am not so inadequate in bed that my wife has to run to my best friend." Ryan ran to the other seat cursing the fact that he had met this demon in the form of a man. "Dead Eyes" now has peace and quiet, which is what he wanted all along. He couldn't help but be happy. He just ruined another bunch of lives on this glorious day.

"Dead Eyes" relaxed for a while and drifted off to sleep for several hours. He awoke and looked around the cabin. He saw something that he despised…a Kim Possible t-shirt. The shirt was being worn by a teenage girl but that was not important. The importance of the shirt was the fact that on many occasions he had tried to find dirt on Kim Possible just to come away with nothing. Who did this girl think she was? Everyone had something to hide, but she didn't seem to be hiding anything. This annoyed him to no end. She can't be perfect and without sin. He wanted to destroy her image so much. Destroying her would be ten times the accomplishment of taking down President Clinton. She was a hero, bastion of light. If she was a no good sinner, people would lose a lot of faith in their fellow man. Not getting the dirt on her was the only regret he still had in the tabloid industry.

Sylvester's cell phone rang with his patented ring of Gordon Gekko™ giving his patented greed speech in the movie _Wall Street_™. "Hello?...Yes Mr. Hench, what can I do for you?..."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do own Kim Possible or anything that I have marked as trademarked.

Note: I have an original poem and a few original jokes contained in this chapter (finally something original right). These were created to be intentionally horrible, so keep that in mind while reading that part. Please read and review.

Kim and Ron ran over to Bueno Nacho before going to the Blue Moose to fill up for the long evening. Kim and Ron entered the Blue Moose. They went to up to the counter where Kim ordered a tall latte. Ron asked, "What beverages do you have besides coffee?"

"We have bottled water."

"What? That's it! Where is the selection? What do you do about your non-coffee drinking customers?"

The woman behind the counter smugly replied, "You know being a coffee house, it is strange how most of our clientele seem to drink coffee. It must be some strange coincidence."

Ron took his verbal licks, ordered bottled water, and went to sit down by KP. Ron was glad that they could find seats on the comfortable big couch in the back. Allowing Kim and Ron to curl up together. The highlight of Ron's evening would soon occur afterward. They had to share the couch with another couple but it didn't matter because they weren't going to use more than half the couch anyways. Ron leaned back while Kim wrapped him around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. She could hear the hypnotic drumming of his heart "ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum." She started to think the rhythm of his heart was transmitting the message "Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him." Who was Kim Possible to disagree with hypnotic suggestions? She leaned up and grabbed the back of Ron's hair running her fingers through his golden locks. She pulled him in for a kiss. Their lips fused together to create a single entity of passion. When it broke, Kim resumed her position near his heart. She grinned as she could hear that his heart was now racing. It was nice to know that she had that affect on her man.

The first poet came to the microphone and this would set the scene for Ron's long night. The first poem was "untitled." As a matter of fact, a huge majority of poems read that night had no titles. These poets were not going to fall into the bourgeois trap of demarking their work with words to give people a glimpse into the piece that would follow. The idea of that was conformist and these poets did not conform to anybody except how other poets told them to conform. The poem was read as followed:

"A flower in the sand

It is something I can't understand

Shrouded by the barren land

To the sun it still expand

Why does the flower stand?

With noone there to lend a hand

Perhaps the flower needs the sand

To know its growth was truly grand"

Ron heard the applause and followed suit all the while thinking "What in the world?" Poetry has that affect on people...well bad poetry does. This night would test the limits of his endurance even more than Yamanouchi ever could. This is the type of night where you envied the deaf...and the blind if you were unfortunate enough to be able to read lips.

Ron decided to do his best to get Kim in the mood for a little necking. He gently nuzzled her ear and stroked her hair. He was hoping that this maneuver would solve the Kim Possible puzzle. Starting a relationship with a woman is like playing "Press Your Luck™." At times you will score big money, and other times you'll get the wammy™. This attempt ended with a wammy™. Kim said, "Not now baby, I'm trying to listen to the performers." Ron was extremely upset to have his attempt rebuffed. He did grin at the fact that KP was already acting like a married woman around him. She was just content to be near him and Ron thought that is what true love is all about.

Ron listened to poet after poet while downing his water hoping against hope that somebody had switched his water with vodka to numb the pain. He would receive no such reprieve. The low point of the night came when Fozzie™ took the stage for his poem entitled "Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!™":

"What would you call the Cat in the Hat™ if he became a detective?

Give up! Dr. Sleuth!

Wocka! Wocka! Wocka™!

What happens when my dad sleeps on marshmallows by a campfire?

Give up! He makes s'nores!

Wocka! Wocka! Wocka™!

What do you call two keys made at the same time?

Give up! Twinkeys!

Wocka! Wocka! Wocka™!

What do you get when you combine the worst players and ownership in baseball?

Give up! The Pittsburgh Pirates™!

Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!™"

The audience responded with a chorus of boos and rotten tomatoes. Fozzie™ said, "This is a coffee house! Where do these rotten tomatoes keep coming from?"

Fozzie™ did not notice due to the insanity of the situation that Statler™ and Waldorf™ were sitting in the back of the Blue Moose. Statler™ says, "That wasn't too bad."

Waldorf™ replies, "How can you say that? It was terrible!"

Statler™ comes back with, "Easy, I turned my hearing aid off so I didn't hear a word!" Both Statler™ and Waldorf™ laughed, "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Waldorf™ laughs so hard that he enters cardiac arrest. Statler™ sees what's happening and springs into action performing CPR.

"You don't have permission to die you bastard! You come back! You hear me, come back now!" Statler™ after a long period of time revives Waldorf™. Waldorf™ asks, "Is there any more poetry left to perform?"

"Yes, I think so."

"In that case, you should have left me dead!" Both elderly gentlemen responded with their patented laugh.

It was at this point that Ron decided to test out his teeth to make sure that Wade didn't hollow out one of his teeth and put a cyanide pill in it just in case they were caught and needed it. It was only a mocking gesture as he had no ambitions of actually dying but this had become a train wreck and he wanted off the tracks.

Mercifully only a couple more performers arose and the night was finished. Ron felt as if he had gone fifteen rounds with Apollo Creed™ and was still standing. Kim and Ron walked out hand-in-hand to get in the car so he could drive them home. Ron was allowed to borrow his car to take Kim out on Fridays. His parents were pleased to lend it to him. While Kim's dad still had reservations about their relationship, both of Ron's parents completely embraced the union of these two. They loved their son with all their hearts; however, they knew he was kind of goofy looking and not overly clever. While they conceded that their were many fish in the sea, their son did not have the greatest bait. Kim Possible was a fish that you don't throw back, so anything they could do to help their son they would do.

They were driving home when Kim asked Ron the dreaded question, "What did you think of it?" This is the point at which Ron decided to draw on the ancient wisdom of men. Throughout the ages, men have been faced with the prospect of discussing an event his girlfriend has dragged him to and faced with the prospect of upsetting his girlfriend with their honest opinion. Men have always done what they do best, lie through their teeth. In keeping with the grand manly heritage Ron said, "I really enjoyed it! Some of those poets had a lot of talent!"

"Oh Ron, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I am so lucky to have a very open and artistic boyfriend!" Kim said this making the common mistake most women make in thinking that such men actually exist.

Ron pulled up to the house and walked Kim to the door like the gentleman he was. They gave each other a goodnight kiss and said their heartfelt good-byes. Ron walked back to his car with a goofy smile on his face. This night was not a total disaster.


	5. Chapter 5

-1It was 11:20 am and Jack Hench was waiting in his Washington, DC office for his all important 11:30 appointment. He knew that this could be just the thing to turn around his company. His stock continually dropped making all people in the company uneasy about their futures...including himself. He poured himself a glass of scotch. It was early in the day for him to start drinking, but he could not help being nervous. He felt so helpless with what he was going to do.

All Jack Hench's life, he was a self-made man. He was born and raised in Wheeling, WV. His father worked at the local US Steel plant which seemed to employ the entire town. Jack was always the smartest and most motivated person in town. Jack wanted to do anything to get out of town and make his mark in the world. Jack graduated valedictorian of Wheeling Park High School and got a full scholarship to attend West Virginia University where he majored in business. He worked his way through school and excelled in his studies. He analyzed businesses and found a trend that would be useful for his future. Those ruthless enough to do anything for money, they would more than likely make it. Upon graduation, he started his "ma and pa" evil store. His slogan was "rolling back prices on evil devices." His client list grew and grew. This son of a poor steel worker was a billionaire and he had done it on his terms giving him the beginning of any speech he would deliver at a political convention. What made today disheartening was that the future of his company would not rest on his shoulders but two others. He could only hope that he put his trust into the right two people.

At 11:28 am, Sylvester Slick entered his office with his hair well-styled and dressed for success. Dead Eyes addressed his boss, "Hello Mr. Hench, What may I do for you sir?" The two of them met to exchange a hardy handshake followed by a gesture towards one of the seats indicating Sylvester to take a seat.

Mr. Hench said, "Mr. Slick I would appreciate it if we could wait until our third party arrives before getting down to business. How was your flight?"

Sylvester responded, "It was fine. The peanuts were stale, the in-flight movie was 'Chairman of the Board,' but I did make a little girl cry so it all evened out."

"How did you make the little girl cry?"

"During the movie, I told the little girl that Carrot Top was her real father."

Mr. Hench asked, "Why didn't you just tell her that Santa Claus doesn't exist?"

Sylvester leaned forward in his chair and said, "Simple, I wanted to be cruel!"

Dead Eyes and Jack continued their conversation with Sylvester growing more agitated by the minute. He started to fidget and checking his watch constantly. Noon had come and gone and this "third party" had yet to show. He tried not to show it but this infuriated him. Being a freelance journalist, he had to submit his articles to his publisher but did not have to really interact with others. He always maintained the highest professionalism with meeting deadlines.

He never could accept anyone not taking business seriously. He recognized times to be silly and lighthearted but when it was time to do business, it was time to do business. "Mr. Hench, why would you do business with such an irresponsible person?"

Mr. Hench tried to rationalize his choice saying, "What this guy lacks in maturity, he more than makes up for in ability. I think you will be pleasantly surprised."

"I respect you enough to give this person a chance, but I've already got my reservations."

Child's Play walks in at this moment in the same attire he wears during his "missions" that was previously mentioned in chapter 2. The only difference was that he was carrying a black duffel bag with him. Dead Eyes leans over to Jack Hench and whispers, "I can see the surprise but where is the pleasant?"

Child's Play says, "Hey Jackie! What's up buddy?" He walks over and surprises Jack with a big bear hug.

"Hello Child's Play, I'd like you to meet Sylvester Slick." Sylvester extends his hand to which Child's Play says, "tsk, tsk, tsk, friends don't shake hands; friends hug!" He raps Sylvester up uncomfortably in his arms for a hug. Sylvester is looking around the office for hidden cameras just in case he had not walked into a new episode of "Candid Camera™."

Sylvester insatiable curiosity forced him to ask, "Excuse me, Mr. ummm what is your name?"

Child's Play said, "You can call me Child's Play."

"I would prefer to keep this a professional relationship, so I would like to know your real name."

For the only time while they were in the office, Child's Play expression turned cold and he said, "Some people know me as Child's Play. Some people know me by my real name. Never both!" Child's Play was very protective of his identity. He knew people had photos of Child's Play out there but there are no photos of him as Chester Hall. His theft patterns were erratic and spread so far across the western world that there can be no way to trace him back to his home in Roanoke. The only way he could be caught is if he let his name slip, he would not take that chance.

Dead Eyes decided to resume his questioning, "Fine Child's Play, what time is it?"

Child's Play responds confused, "The clock is right there and it says 12:20."

"I was under the impression that this meeting was supposed to start at 11:30."

"So was I."

"Why were you late?"

Child's Play hesitated thinking about how obvious the answer was, "I wasn't on-time?"

Jack Hench started to see that Sylvester was starting to clench his fists in anger at the young Child's Play. He decides it is time to say, "Would you two care to sit down?" Both men took their seats. "May I get you both a drink?"

Dead Eyes responded, "I would like a white wine in a nice wine glass."

Child's Play follows with "I would like an apple juice in a nice juice box." This comment would have caused Sylvester to roll his eyes if they weren't already dead.

After using the intercom to order the drinks, Jack Hench decided that it was time to get down to business. He said, "Gentlemen, I have brought you both here for an incredible opportunity. I want you guys to know that our sidekick division has not been doing well. The fact is nobody has picked up any of the sidekicks in my program including both of you. They think that you are not worth the effort. They think you are useless but I say we prove them wrong. I have brought both of you here because together I think you can work well together. Dead Eyes, you have the ability to see anything, anywhere. I also like to mention that he is a crack shot as well. Child's Play, you are the most effective thief in the world with unparalleled athleticism and knowledge of security. Your inventions are brilliant. While his methods are unorthodox, they have led to 498 successful heists."

Child's Play interjects and says, "It is actually 499 now."

Jack Hench responds, "Really, what happened?"

"I decided to get you a present." Child's Play put the duffel bag he brought into the room on Hench's desk. "I hope you enjoy!"

Jack Hench opens the bag and retrieves a bowling ball. Jack Hench with a touch of surprise in his voice says, "Oh, a bowling ball!" He tried to fain excitement not to upset Child's Play.

Child's Play interjected "that's not any bowling ball, its 6-time PBA player of the year Walter Ray Williams Jr.'s bowling ball."

Jack Hench, no more impressed than when he first saw the ball, says, "Thank you Child's Play! I think this will go really well with my original Picassos and Van Goghs!" Child's Play adds "It seems like an insult to my present to surround it with such insignificant possessions but it is your present."

Jack Hench got to the point with "here is my plan that will take care of two of my biggest problems with the company. The first problem is proving my sidekicks to be a prized commodity and if you solve my second problem you will certainly do that. My second problem goes by the name Kim Possible." A look of glee and anxiousness crept across Dead Eyes face as he leaned forward. Child's Play leaned back in his chair with a concerned look on his face and lifts his legs up on the chair to cradle himself into a fetal position. This was not the name he wanted to come up in this conversation.

Jack Hench expanded on the KP problem. "My best customers have been locked up by this teenage vigilante. My rolodex has more prison inmates on it than the head coach of the Baltimore Ravens. Prison inmates do not buy new global domination technology. At first she was a nuisance, now she has become a full-blown nightmare. Your job will be to take care of Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable."

Dead Eyes asks, "Does that mean you want us to kill them?"

Child's Play interjects "No way! I will not kill anybody!"

Dead Eyes says, "Don't worry, I'll pull the trigger!"

Jack Hench interrupts with "Nobody's pulling any trigger! I want them both alive! They will be worth more for the on-line auction I plan to sell them on if they are alive. You understand that!" They both nod their heads.

Jack Hench asks, "Are there any other problems we need to address?"

Child's Play says, "I have a small problem. I'm not going to do it. Do you validate parking?"

Jack Hench flabbergasted says, "What do you mean you won't do it?"

"I'm not going to do it. One, it doesn't sound very fun. Two, Kim Possible is the best there is what chance do I possibly have? I haven't felt this overwhelmed since I signed up with V.I.L.E. under the leadership of Carmen Sandiego. Seriously, how do you steal the Golden Gate Bridge and take it to Croatia? Who am I Eartha Brute?"

Jack Hench realized he would have to use some psychology on Child's Play. Child's Play penchant for comics was well known and he would play off of that, "Who is your favorite supervillian?"

"Dr. Doom"

"OK, now does Dr. Doom run scared of the Fantastic Four?"

"No"

"So, why should you run from Kim Possible?"

"Simple, I can't shoot lightning from my fingers."

"Well, she can't burn to thousands of degrees or turn invisible."

"I admit fearing the hero is pretty weak, but I still do not see how kidnapping can be fun. Why can't we just do something fun and rewarding like actually beating Mike Tyson's Punchout?"

"As incredibly important as that sounds, it would not save my company. Child's Play, why did you join the ranks of my sidekicks?"

Child's Play looking down dejectedly said, "I'm not very popular. I thought I could make some friends."

"Why are you wasting this opportunity? You know how popular you would be in the evil community if you took down Kim Possible? Everyone would want to be your friend."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone."

"If it can make me popular, I can give it a shot."

"That's the spirit! Ok, here is a file for each of you that carefully chronicles your prey. I am sure it will be useful in this endeavor. I have set you up with a lair just outside Denver only a few hours from Middleton, CO. We all know what is in Middleton, CO?"

Child's Play answers, "Rider Strong?"

Jack Hench slaps his head and says, "Kim Possible."

"Shoot! I was going to guess that next."

"From your position in Denver, you will need to come up with a plan and secure Kim Possible. Once you have done that, call me and I will broker a lucrative deal for her transfer of custody. Any questions?"

"Yeah, what happened to the rest of the Tiggers?"

"You two are dismissed."

"Oh, I guess I was the only one to watch Winnie the Pooh and ask that question. Whatever?"

Jack Hench handed plane tickets to Child's Play and Dead Eyes as they departed for the airport. Jack Hench left that meeting with two things on his mind: (1) Fire Harold Sakata and (2) Hire a really good chapter 11 attorney.


	6. Chapter 6

-1After a good night's sleep, Ron awoke anxious to get over to Kim's for a "Lazy Saturday." Kim and Ron had unofficially grown accustomed to spending Saturday together just lounging about watching tv, renting movies, playing board games, and looking for the arc of the covenant. Alright I obviously lied; nobody in high school still plays board games. On Saturday, it didn't matter what they did. The enjoyment of the day came from being together. Ron enjoyed the day so much that he hated it when his parents came to pick him up to take him to temple Saturday evening. Ron and God were on good terms but the almighty had to know how a big a sacrifice it was for a teenage boy to be separated from his girlfriend. They would waste the day with Ron's arm around Kim's shoulders kissing each others' necks and cheeks, cuddling, and some closed mouth kisses. They would have preferred a full-blown make out session, but they feared reprisal from Kim's dad. Ron feared one wrong move and he will be the first astronaut in a black hole. Ron was looking forward to today after last night. He made the calculation. Kim + terrible poetry jam equals not bad (especially at the end), so Kim + anything not painfully dreadful equals Boo Yah! This was math that even Ron could compute.

Ron arrived at the Possible household. He entered the house to see Mr. and Mrs. Dr. P eating breakfast. "Ole, Mr. and Mrs. Dr. P, is Kim ready yet?"

Mrs. Possible says, "She'll be right down Ronald. How was the date last night?"

"It was bondiggity. As usual, my time with your daughter was a pleasurable experience."

Mr. Possible frowns and asks, "How was it a pleasurable experience?"

Ron knew he had to be very careful when answering Mr. Dr. P. "What I meant, sir, is that the opportunity to spend time with such an engaging and beautiful woman, such as your daughter, leads to a sense of fulfillment that requires nothing more than the pleasure of her company."

"That sounded rehearsed" This caused Mrs. Possible to giggle since she was the one who taught Ron to say that if her husband were interrogating him. "Oh honey, I think he was being very sincere."

Kim interjected, "Hi mom, dad, and Ron," which were responded with the appropriate salutations. Kim gave a kiss on her cheek to her mom and dad. She put two pieces of bread in the toaster when Kim's mom asked, "Honey, what do you kids plan on doing today?"

Kim thought and hesitated for a while and said "I don't know. Hang out, I guess, and watch movies."

Sportacus vaults into the kitchen and says, "You can't sit around and do nothing on a beautiful day like this. You've got to get up and move."

Kim responds, "Hey Sportacus, I guess the fact that we locked all our doors and windows plus getting a restraining order wasn't enough of a clue for you to stay away."

"I know that you don't mean that."

"Yeah and to think we put a judge through all that trouble for something we didn't want to enforce."

"So, what do you guys want to do today? Jump rope? Dancing? Basketball? Soccer?"

"We're just not interested today."

"Alright but I'm not going to let it ruin my day. I'm off!"

Sportacus does several summersaults and other athletic moves that accomplish nothing.

Ron inquires, "Where do you get the energy to do all that?"

Sportacus replies, "Easy, I take lots of speed." Sportacus takes a very athletic and drawn out exit.

Kim says, "Before that completely unnecessary cameo, I guess we'll just stay in and watch movies."

Ron tries to press his luck with "We could go to the arcade and play the new Soul Caliber."

"Baby, you know I don't like playing those violent games."

"You played Zombie Mayhem."

"You know I only did that because I was jealous of you and Felix…and now I know why." Kim said giving Ron a wry little smile.

"Well I was just throwing it out there, I could live with watching movies." During the conversation, the toast had come up and been buttered. She put it on a plate and escorted Ron out of the kitchen to the living room. Mrs. Possible said, "Honey, why do you torture Ron? He has been a positive force in Kimmy's life since pre-K. What better guy is there for our daughter than him?"

Mr. Possible responded, "There is no better young gentleman than Ron, but I know what boys at that age want and I want to dissuade him from attempting that on my Kimmy-cub."

"I've got a question for you. How can you be so protective over the boys that Kimmy dates and still allow her to go gallivanting around the world risking her life?"

He sits there and finishes his coffee and says, "I can't talk to you when you are being irrational like this. I'm going upstairs to enjoy my Saturday."

Kim and Ron were in the living room in their usual pose with his arm draped around her. There was something on tv but Kim and Ron were so wrapped up with each other that it would be hard to notice. Some time later that morning, Monique swung by the house to check-in. Monique to the shock of everyone in the room came in and said, "Hey guys!" Equally shocking was Ron and Kim's response of "Hey Monique!"

Monique got the conversation started by saying, "How is the hottest couple in Middleton doing?"

Ron quips, "I don't know, we haven't seen Tara and Josh since yesterday."

Kim replies, "We were doing fine. How about you?"

"I can't complain, girl. I just wanted to drop in and ask you guys how the date went last night."

Kim speaks first and says, "Oh it was spanking, great coffee, great poetry, and best of all a great boyfriend to share it with." She emphasizes the last point by cuddling close to Ron.

Ron says, "It was great!" He started to wheeze in his usual "I'm not telling the truth" face. Kim was about to press him on the issue when a little toy tank came rolling in and stopped right in front of Kim. Kim looked down at it and...Kaboom! Black dust came out covering Kim's face. She looked over to see her little brother Tim standing there with a controller in his hand.

"Hickabickaboo!"

"Hoosha!"

Kim became angry and screamed her traditional battle cry "TWEEBS!" She ran after them hoping to extract some revenge.

Monique decided that this might be a good time to get some real answers from Ron without Kim around. "Dude boy, you hated the poetry slam didn't you?"

"I didn't say that."

"Ron, you can't lie. Literally, it is just not possible for you."

Ron realized it was time to fess up. "Ok Mon, I admit that I hated the poetry slam. Newsflash: GF drags BF to event he doesn't want to go to...more at 11.

"This is not the first date she has dragged you to. Am I right?"

"Yeah so, Kim happens to be picking where we go on our dates. Is it such a big deal?"

"Somebody is m.i.d."

"I just want Kim to be happy."

"What about your happiness?"

"Being with Kim makes me plenty happy."

"Ron, you need to get over this lack of self-respect. Kim is not a princess and you are not a serf."

"Surf? I don't even go to the beach very often."

Monique shakes her head and says, "What I mean is that you have a lot of things going for you. A relationship has to be an equal partnership and right now it is not. If Kim can't accept you as her equal, then maybe this relationship was not meant to be."

"Mon! I can't believe you said that. We are perfect for each other. There is nothing that can break us up."

"I hope you are right. You know I'm pulling for ya." Just then Kim came back to the room wiping off the last smudges of dust. "Hey guys! What did I miss?"

"Nothing"

Monique looks down at her watch and says, "I'm going to hit up the mall. You guys want to come with?"

Kim gives Ron a peck on the cheek and snuggles a little closer. Ron says, "Thanks but no thanks." Monique leaves.

Ron leans back on the couch and looks over at Kim and thinks, "What is Monique talking about? Kim and I have a great relationship. Kim just doesn't know how I feel, when I tell her I'm sure she will be ok with it."


	7. Chapter 7

-1Child's Play and Dead Eyes walked out of the Denver airport with Child's Play visibly upset. Dead Eyes says, "You're not still upset over what happened on the plane?"

"You made that little girl cry!"

"You're upset because I ruined your trade."

"Absolutely! I was going to get my hands on a Mew until you screwed it up."

"I'm sorry I made you waste all your valuable time trading cards for nothing."

"That's all I wanted was an apology."

"On a scale of 1-10, you are an idiot!"

Child's Play and Dead Eyes hailed a cab and got inside.

Dead Eyes asked, "So, what did you think of the file?"

Child's Play responds, "See for yourself…tada!" He pulls out a long line of cutouts of people holding hands.

Dead Eyes slaps his head and says, "We were supposed to be using those files to come up with a plan of action."

"I don't need a report to come up with a plan. I have seen every episode of Pinky and The Brain ever made, I'm good to go."

"I am on pins and needles for your brilliant plan."

"I will build the two biggest electromagnets ever. I will place on the moon and switch it on and leave the other on Earth. If the world doesn't meet my demand, then I will switch it on and crash the moon into the Earth. I got the idea from the title sequence of Pinky and The Brain."

"What's your demand?"

"I want them to destroy all Canadian Geese! I mean they freely cross international borders with no regard for the law! They have too much sway with America's elderly population! They've got the elderly feeding them out of the palms of their hands! They are too powerful to ignore any longer!"

"We will get to that…later. For now, I think we should try to use KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid…your key word is stupid. I see with this file her father works at the Middleton Space Center. If we were to steal something from him, Kim Possible would be called in for sure to track us down and when she does I will be ready with a tranquilizer gun. We will need time to set up a containment area for the two of them. When we are ready, we will strike! Do you understand the plan?"

"Huh? I'm sorry I was trying to think of the seven dwarfs. I came up with Sleepy, Bashful, Doc, Happy, Sneezy, and Grumpy. Who am I missing?"

"Do words just randomly fall out of your mouth, dopey?"

"Dopey! That's it! Thanks! That was going to bug me all day." When he heard this, Dead Eyes thought, "That does it! I'm going to be better off without dealing with this joker. From now on, I'm just going to make all the decisions without consulting him."

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Tuesday after arriving in Denver, Child's Play trudges into the lair early in the morning after a long night to be shocked by the recent addition. "Deadie! What's this?"

"What the hell! It's 4 o'clock in the morning! Do you have to be so loud?"

"What is this?" Child's Play points to a large cage structure that would obviously come to hold Kim Possible.

"That's the cage I got to hold Kim Possible. It's a XJ-702 model. I heard it's state of the art."

Child's Play starts to laugh, "Bwahahahaha! The XJ-702 is about as state of the art as an Atari! It is made with grade B steel, no laser grid supporting it, non-electrified bars, and doesn't even come with a built-in camera. It is the Arizona Cardinals of holding cells. Yeah it's technically professional, but it is the laughingstock of the rest of the real systems. Why didn't you wait for me to pick it out?"

"You were out doing some dumb errands!"

"Dumb errands!" Child's Play pulled a pair of speedos out of his bag and showed them off proudly.

"Speedos! OMG! Those might be worth a whole twenty bucks!" Once again wishing his childhood injury wouldn't have robbed his eyes of the ability to roll.

"Just speedos! These are the speedos worn by Mark Spitz during the 1972 Olympics when he won a record seven gold medals!"

"You know at one time I felt guilty when I would tune you out, but that's not as big of a problem anymore. BTW I have decided that we will strike on Saturday night be ready to do…whatever it is that you do."

Child's Play grimaces and says "I can't do this Saturday…can we schedule for Sunday night?"

"What's wrong with Saturday night?" While Dead Eyes asked the question, he was afraid of the answer he would receive.

"Dad is accepting the Lipsky-Demence award for outstanding medical research in the United States. The ceremony is in Denver so I thought I could go."

Dead Eyes responded with a little bit of awe in his voice, "That is actually a good excuse, but I've already told the higher ups."

"Alright, my mother will be very disappointed."

"What about your father?"

"Honestly, I think this will probably make his day. He hates my guts."

"It sounds to me like you have father issues. Before you lay them out, I want you to realize that I don't care. I mean that from the bottom of my black heart."

Child's Play ignored the end of Dead Eyes comment and decided to explain his dad issues, "My dad thinks I am worthless and will not miss an opportunity to berate and degrade me. He has never shown me any fatherly love. I wonder why that is?"

Dead Eyes sensing Child's Play was wrestling with complicated emotions and soul wrenching issues, went over and patted Child's Play on the back and said, "I can tell you why your father doesn't love you, you are unworthy of his affection. Now, can we discuss our plans for Saturday night?"

"What do you mean I'm unworthy?"

"All I mean is that you're irresponsible, idiotic, and pretty much useless so you are unworthy of any type of parental affection…no offense."

"Ummmmm…none taken?"

Dead Eyes moved the conversation back on task. "Alright back to the plan, I have a diagram here of the space center. If you look here I have marked the route for you to proceed through to the experimental materials room where I there is a new material they have been experimenting on that might be used on the new space shuttles. This stuff is extremely valuable and highly classified. If we took some of it, this will definitely cause the stir we need to lure Kim Possible into our trap."

"Hahahaha, I thought you didn't have a sense of humor. You never fail to surprise me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You expect me to go through a window when attacking a model SK-611 security system with their collapsible circuit sensors. I am sure you are just trying to be funny but seriously I have seen better infiltration plans from contestants on Legends of the Hidden Temple."

"What is your plan?"

"The last few nights while I have been out 'collecting,' I have stopped over by the space center to get a lay of the land and have pinpointed their weakness. The security personnel are given all access with their security cards. If we were to procure one, then we could go anywhere within the complex."

"When do you plan on getting one?"

Child's Play pulls a card out of his pocket, "One step ahead of you. While you might know me as Child's Play, I was known as Paul Reubens…pickle enthusiast. Under this clever disguise, I lifted the key card."

Child's Play pointing at the card, "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Wait a second, won't the person find out you took his card?"

"He would, but this is not his card. I took the man's card and copied the code of his strip onto this new one. He is none the wiser."

"What's next?"

Child's Play yawns and says, "It's pretty late, I'll tell ya later. Good Night! Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

"Good Night! Look out for the Boogyman!" Child's Play knew that this comment was silly because he had checked his closet and under his bed and knew the Boogyman wasn't there.


End file.
